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Mitigating Circumstances

“Psychiatric diagnosis is now being abused for preventive detention of rapists in the United States and peasants complaining about corruption in China and previously was an excuse to hospitalize political dissidents in the Soviet Union.”
—Allen Frances, Saving Normal: An Insider’s Revolt Against Out-of-Control Psychiatric Diagnosis, DSM-5, Big Pharma, and the Medicalization of Ordinary Life

Lorinda Youngcourt
Department of Public Defense
710 Second Avenue, Suite 1000
Seattle, WA 98104

Dear Ms. Youngcourt:

“When I grow up, I hope to become a Public Defense Mitigation Specialist serving sex offenders,” said no little girl. Ever. So no undereducated social worker, vindictive family member, or corrupt sheriff’s deputies with severely unresolved difficulties in relation to their mothers can logically accuse me of being too arrogant or picky or academic or of only applying to my “dream jobs” with this application, and both the King County Prosecutor’s Office and the Department of Public Defense may want to consider actively recruiting from MFA programs once you read on to learn what we may choose to actually study and practice in art and design, rather than dismissing my visual literacy as “talent” and waiting for me to stumble across your available job opening while checking back to see if the King County Bar Association had by chance sometime in the last two years managed to scrounge up a budget for a Communications Design Director, educated professional skills still visibly lacking to their visually educated global audience, instead of asking for design labor from underpaid office staff, or looking ahead to see what jobs might be available after tacking a JD onto my breadth and depth of knowledge and experiences across design, technology, and psychology.

courtroom drawing murder trial

My cv page or un-résumé curated toward law schools should more than adequately communicate my qualifications that meet or vastly exceed your expectations for the role without further explanation. I am happy that Harvard Law School decided to broaden its 2018 candidate pool beyond LSAT test-takers after our email correspondences last winter, stemming from the run-around LSAC gave me prohibiting that organization from achieving its goal that “no person is denied access to law school because of the absolute inability to pay for the LSAT and other essential applicant services,” and I hope to attract an employer healthy enough to reciprocate my educated skills with a professional wage so I may try again next year without my efforts perpetually disrupted by criminally violent housemates and/or criminally negligent or incompetent homeless social services providers.

Remembering feedback received from one of your KCBA colleagues, who oohed and ahhed over my 2010 print portfolio, pausing over the page spread of the wedding stationery I designed and letterpress printed for the sister of my prosecutor ex-husband, offspring of ex-FBI parents, but, much like Idaho’s mental juridical health system employees, he struggled with the concept of matching those names with names on my various state- and university-issued identifications on my person when I walked into a police department in suburban Boise in 2014 to report crimes as serious as child abuse, elder abuse, labor trafficking, rape, and homicide all denied by my extended Bundy clan along with our shared genealogy, urging their investigation into the undereducated MSW social worker whose face registered zero affect as I described my personal and professional experiences better educated than her own in her own field, until I reached the part about my ex-father-in-law’s experiences sitting outside in a van watching the apartment where Patty Hearst was raped into submitting to her captors, colluding with their subsequent bank hold up while suffering what some psychologists describe as Stockholm Syndrome, whereupon her face and entire body cringed, caved in, communicating to me that she is likely herself a victim unrecovered from rape trauma, further stuttering “I-I-I don’t really know that much about serial killers,” after I mentioned that it would surprise me not at all to discover that the Bundys shortly thereafter engaged in armed conflict with the BLM, later the Oregon militia Bundys since acquitted of the DOJ’s charges of conspiracy, would turn out to be related to the Bundys formerly of Tacoma, Washington, as I talked to her about my MFA thesis research in critical theories of identity, trauma, and the taboo – so maybe a good time to pull out a pen and start taking class notes without paying post-graduate tuition when Ted Bundy’s adoptive eighth cousin twice removed begins sharing my expertise instead of defensively boasting about how the product of Idaho’s K–12 charter schools doesn’t read the New York Times while dutifully replicating a Micron engineer’s abuse of his patriarchal authority? – “Oh, no, cops don’t think like this. This is more complicated than our entire legal system,” rather than more logically wondering, if cops cannot compare four forms of identification with my married and divorced names against my prosecutor ex-husband’s name published in regional news sources, then why are they drawing down homicide and special victims detective paychecks, and maybe the entire legal system might benefit from the real-world application of my academic studies-? – I will specifically respond to your desired qualifications for the position:

Master’s degree in Social Work or a related behavioral science field and one year of related social services experience, or any combination of experience/education/training that provides the required knowledge, skills and abilities to perform the work. Experience working with clients who have been charged or convicted with a sex offense is highly desired.

Soo… pretty much keep doing what I have been doing for the last 20+ years, only earn a living wage in exchange for my efforts?

mfa graduation announcement

Graduation announcement. When the University of Idaho denied my petition to change the name of my degree as a critique of the masculine bias of language in higher education, I decided to print my own – between color changes and baseline alignments, no fewer than nine press runs on this baby!

If King County would like to maintain or even dramatically improve its national reputation providing better outcomes than sex offenses and serial homicide, I encourage you to begin thinking of behavior as less of a science, more of an art, as the difference between passive aggressive communications rationalizing all abusive behavior and healthy communications is style, or design, with the inside-out and spun around in the opposite direction shift to make that happen illustrated here in just 30 seconds:

Knowledge of the role of the attorney-mitigation specialist relationship and familiarity with the Washington State Bar Association Rules of Professional Responsibility and other ethical standards which govern Mitigation Specialists.

If the Washington State Bar Association would like me to familiarize myself with their rules of professional responsibility governing Mitigation Specialists prior to your hire offer, then the WSBA needs my help better organizing or designing their site:

wsba screenshot

The WSBA journals editor would have done well to have accepted for publication in 2009 a short sample of my fiction writing since published by a Chicagoland literary journal, rather than limited its efforts to only dues-paying members. Perhaps my application to Georgetown Law, which includes my responses to their personal conduct questions and my design analysis of LSAC’s global communications plan along with email correspondence from a senior Micron engineer analyzed through the lenses of LSAT logic, will suffice?

Knowledge of principles, methods and techniques of social services, including case management, assessment, coordination/referrals, research, mediation, report writing, and oral communications.

Thank you for your review of the communications style and behaviors daily violating multiple civil and criminal laws perpetrated by a nonprofit corporate social services provider receiving funding from the City of Seattle, King County, State of Washington, and the Department of Housing and Urban Development and private donors. While my analysis is lengthy, it is but the tip of the iceberg of the avalanche of incompetent social services I have both witnessed and borne the brunt of since fleeing Idaho’s criminal behavior and returning to Seattle in early 2015.

Despite her MSW from the University of Washington, the current Program Manager kicked off a subsequent mandatory house meeting by swearing and yet again threatening all of us with eviction if one criminally violent housemate’s behavior remains unchanged, while glaring pointedly at me as if holding me responsible for another’s behavior. It could well be that you begin your meetings by swearing at your staff, but do you threaten them with joblessness if they do not control your clients’ behaviors?

The same MSW later insisted on dominating what should have been a subsequent one-to-one case management meeting with yet another case worker – already cycled out of the dysfunctional social services provider’s revolving staff door indicative of incompetent executive management or negligent board oversight – so I came prepared, spreading out four of my business cards that altogether perform double function as Unplay, my four-point healthy communications/conflict resolution model based on the structure of trauma, on the table between us so I could simply point to each of the stations on the passive aggressive volvelle as she predictably spun clockwise around her trauma monologue propelled from the position of rampaging martyr:

unplay business cards

Unplay the Shame and Blame Game identity and business card print collateral.

By the time she reached her sixth or seventh or eighth denial, each time interrupting and talking over me, her communications structurally identical to the behavior of all of my traffickers or every abuser who ever graced the planet, she flicked the deny card across the table, visibly trapped at the emotional equivalent of age five or perhaps eight at the most, likely whenever her own childhood trauma began, the caricature of a social worker who desperately needs psychotherapeutic care, but remains oblivious to the inappropriateness of her own criminal behaviors.

Demonstrating that she had not even bothered to read my grievance filed with her boss’s boss, who inappropriately recycled my recommended resolution back down to the lower level within their organization’s hierarchy rather than better educating and providing psychotherapeutic supports for her staff, the Program Manager rationalized her ongoing violations of Washington laws in a self-pitying little-girl whine, “Well, I don’t know the law.”

That she earns a post-graduate paycheck to uphold.

I suggested that she check with her lawyers at Perkins Coie rather than demand that her destitute client better educate her for her job.

And, yes, I have much more audio evidence supporting my perspective, continuing to protect myself the best I am able as provided under RCW 9.73.030. You no longer need an MFA in trauma and identity theory or a Ph.D. in human psychology to recognize individuals so averse to hearing any perspective that differs from their own as trapped in denial; Wikipedia maintains a page on the behavior. Note the similarities between three of Unplay’s stations and the knowledge readily shared by worldwide contributors. The missing link that I add to the canon recognizes the commonalities between victims and abusers, as well as the all-too-often missed potential for the victim to make the leap to survivor by repairing from trauma instead of revolving into abuser when s/he finds her- or himself in a position of power:

Trauma monologue.

Steadfastly refusing to familiarize herself with my education, experiences, and post-carceral career goals before demanding the time of a face-to-face meeting to help her fill in her analogue forms, data she snarlingly insisted was too precious, too well-thought-out, too specific to be copied and pasted from my social media accounts while I prioritize the work that my case management “team” are not qualified to do, the Program Manager dismissed my efforts to apply my knowledge and experiences to the field of law and instead suggested that I look for a job as a Writer, or the very “condition” for which her Idaho counterpart threatened me with involuntary commitment if my writing skills “worsened”-!?!

As a published, destitute writer and trafficking survivor, to me writing is a not a career goal, but one of my many job skills, which I hope some post-Great Recession employer will soon appreciate with a professional wage. This form demonstrates the case worker’s struggles with listening, spelling in English as her second language, and her supervisor’s refusal to own their failures to do their jobs, blaming the likely death of my service animal on the psychologist I saw briefly after my return to Seattle:

compass housing alliance case management

Knowledge of the use of mitigation in criminal justice cases.

Pace the opinions of Idaho’s undereducated mental juridical health professionals and most of the social workers I’ve met since I returned to Washington, my prosecutor ex-husband began including therapy as standard practice on each and every one of his sentencing recommendations thanks to my encouragement, as I have indicated on my LinkedIn profile. That was after just a BFA for me, before increasing my knowledge of human psychology to the graduate research level. And beyond.

Earlier this year, I requested that Arizona’s Maricopa County Attorney recommend a one-month sentence reduction for a sexual assault homicide defendant accused of the cold case homicide I reported to Idaho authorities in 2014, not because I in any way condone his criminal behavior, but as a matter of principle, communicating the same information to his defense counsel. The state should not double-dip. Victim witnesses should not be imprisoned – and the pharmaceutical industry twice profit – without due process just because social workers, police, and prosecutors throughout the American West are struggling to catch up with 21st century visual technologies while better identifying with abusers, rapists, men who take up arms against the federal government, and killers than with their victims.

Maybe he was the sole perpetrator of my first husband’s third wife’s brutal sexual assault homicide.

Or maybe he was rendered incoherent thanks to nearly 20 years of state-administered meds.

And prison confessions are worthless from a psychological standpoint, as very well illustrated in the case of Ottis Toole, the alleged serial killer who shared Florida’s death row with my adopted eighth cousin twice removed.

After my adventures through Idaho’s broken mental juridical health system, I have begun reading the multiple published accounts on Ted Bundy, and because I am healthy enough to listen to multiple perspectives without stomping my ignorant or abusive foot and insisting on my rightness, now I am wondering what if he didn’t do some or even all of the crimes for which he died accused?

What if the 20th century personification of “born” evil was not only not born that way, but designed as the likely product of incest rape, further built by being adopted into my racist, sexist, abusive family, and then became a myth of society’s projected fears and fantasies? In my mature, post-carceral reading, I am astonished by the paucity of evidence, much of it circumstantial or relying on psychologically unsound methods of inquiry.

I note the absence of DNA match when compared with a sample found in Florida in 2011 against evidence from the Tacoma case of Ann Marie Burr, long assumed to be his first victim, thanks largely to the efforts of writers like his former friend and Seattle suicide hotline coworker Ann Rule. At least one New Yorker reviewer retrospectively notes in 2015 the moral ambiguities inextricably linked between her lucrative book sales and his prison correspondence. Analyzed through my Unplay lenses, her version reads to my psychoanalytically educated perspective like a victim feeling betrayed and angered that her friend did not confess his alleged crimes to her.

Self-published author Rebecca Morris takes up the crusade for another generation, but while her account fails to connect Ted with Ann Marie with evidence beyond her book title and the coincidence of their childhoods in the same town, in multiple passages she unwittingly alludes to other suspects, describing Burr family members with sorted [sic] pasts and the sexual abuse, controlling fathers, and rigidly divided male/female roles common to both clans. Further, she cites one Florida juror and journalist who did not believe there was enough to convict him beyond a reasonable doubt, and in another passage, by the late 1970s a retired Tacoma detective still doggedly convinced policing is no place for women.

To read successful Florida prosecutor George “Bob” Dekle’s own account, he copiously details the myriad flaws in evidence collection and witness testimony, and in our email correspondence, he grudgingly confesses Ted Bundy may not have committed the crime for which he was executed, demonstrating he is no better at controlling his anger and impulsivity in his retirement than he was as a young gun hired by his state’s Attorney General:

ted bundy kim leach innocence

Albeit by assigning an infinitesimally small probability that he randomly plucked from the sky, which is not how statisticians calculate probability, and misreading my inquiry to say that, as a survivor of three years of sadistic marital rape, I readily empathize with the perspective of serial killers. Wrong-o, boy-o, but my ability to listen to multiple perspectives without stomping my foot and insisting on my rightness demonstrates culturally relevant trauma recovery.

Dekle, on the other hand, goes further to reveal an emotionally immature definition of “lying.” In communications and psychology, people tell their truths, or their perspectives, which may or may not be factual, but the truth as they understand it to be. Or as they need it to be, rationalizing all manners of abuses by refusing to even consider perspectives that counter their personal “truths.”

To hear a homeless women’s shelter mat mate fled to Seattle from her own abusive family and subsequent abusive intimate relationships diagonally across the country describe over a decade of experience in her previous career with the same office, the question of DNA evidence determining legal truth may be not whether Ted Bundy’s alleged DNA matches any remaining DNA evidence from nationwide crime scenes, but whether or not Florida can prove beyond a reasonable doubt that the DNA now on file with the FBI was obtained from a vial of blood actually drawn from Ted Bundy? Or maybe just some guy who wandered in off the alley and happened to be in the wrong place at the right time? What adhesive did the state crime lab use for the labels on the vial? Are they prepared to open their record-keeping for public review?

Did King County investigators thoroughly pursue the six other Volkswagen-owning Washington Teds that Bob Keppel describes in his detailed memoir of his experiences benefitting from my adopted eighth cousin twice removed’s undergraduate degree in psychology combined with a decade of experience on Florida’s death row leading to the eventual arrest of Gary Ridgway, or, once Ted was arrested in Salt Lake City for late-night speeding through a suburban residential neighborhood, did they just say, “Ahh, Utah’s got this”-?

Wikipedia still lists Ted Bundy as the prime suspect in the sexual assault homicide of one Sandra Jean Weaver, linking to an archived Deseret News article originally published 20 January 1975, describing her as last seen in Salt Lake City on the first of July the previous year, body found the following day, 02 July 1974, near the Green River, which the Mormon-owned paper mistakenly places east of Grand Junction, Colorado, although it appears on Google Maps to be somewhat west, running through a rural Utah town of the same name. Regardless, a considerable drive back to Seattle in a four-cylindered Volkswagen and then back out to the Yakima River in eastern Washington with then-girlfriend Liz Kloepher where they celebrated the weekend of the Fourth (a Thursday that year) before he left for law school in Utah later that summer, according to her account written under the pseudonym Elizabeth Kendall:

deseret news weaver markup

The timeline of Ted Bundy’s whereabouts floating in multiple locations throughout the interwebs attributed to FBI investigation (I found my copy on the now-defunct TedBundy.com), further strengthens his alibi for the Weaver homicide, placing the rafting trip to Yakima on the previous weekend, 29 June, and depositing funds into a bank and purchasing gas in Seattle on 01 and 02 July:

fbi bundy annotated timeline detail

The girlfriend’s account, complaining of spending Sunday at Carkeek all by herself while Ted withdrew from her codependent affections, corroborates the authoritative “sighting” at Lake Sammamish 07 July one week before three women were coincidentally abducted from the same location. Memories can be inaccurate, but the Fourth is an occasion not typically confused with ordinary days, as I can readily attest, first getting together in Salt Lake City with my geneticist-turned-prosecutor boyfriend on another unforgettable Fourth. Were there two rafting trips down the Yakima River, or are there inaccuracies throughout the timeline allegedly produced by the FBI?

As much as authorities, authors, and the general public might like to imbue my charismatic adopted cousin with demonic powers, I wonder if the east coast FBI guys have a firm grounding of the vast distances throughout the western states? As well as the time it takes to drive them? In a circa 1968 Volkswagen?

What drew my attention to the Weaver case in particular is Jungian synchronicity between the days of the discovery of her body and my genetic father’s death (loaded with coincidences relevant to Idaho’s inability to fact-check reality, as you can see from the timeline I designed analyzing Moscow’s 2015 spree shooting) and the publication of the Deseret News article, similarly loaded with coincident dates, including your appointment to King County’s Department of Public Defense coinciding with my return to Seattle in 2015.

Coincidence bears no legal relevance, of course, but adds further evidence supporting Jung’s synchronicity theory.

I am only peripherally becoming familiar with Ridgway’s timeline, but I also note the coincidences between Weaver disappearing from her job at a trucking company in Salt Lake City where he would have readily fit in from his job painting trucks, his attraction with Washington’s Green River and her body left beside Utah’s Green River, and the little gold necklaces common to her body and the body of the daughter of a Midvale sheriff and the Green River Killer’s penchant for offering jewelry taken from his victims as gifts to his female trucking company coworkers. If the King County Sheriff is not too busy allegedly raping his own female deputies, maybe someone at his office could answer a few questions: was Ridgway still in Vietnam in 1974-? Or did he take a road trip through Utah that summer? Did he return during the following fall’s hunting season?

Or maybe better to send an empathetic listener to Walla Walla who can interview serial killers without interrupting and talking over them while jeering at their experiences of early childhood abuse?

If Ted Bundy likely did not commit his allegedly first murder, may not have committed the murder for which he was executed, and physically could not have been in two Western states at the same time to commit at least one of the murders in between, who did?

Challenging to solve crimes that old, but Florida recently extradited one suspect back to Utah, for a sexual assault homicide discovered by the 16-year-old victim’s mother on 05 December 1977, in the same neighborhood in Salt Lake City’s lower Aves where Ted Bundy lived in 1976, which sounds not dissimilar to the attack on 12-year-old Kimberly Leach in Florida in February 1978.

Must all of Ted Bundy’s alleged crimes have been committed by one guy? In my experience, this nation suffers no shortage of misogynistic rage, oftentimes women every bit as angry with their mothers for not protecting them from the abuses of their fathers as the grown boys in desperate need of better care.

How might ever-evolving truths affect this nation’s death penalty legislation?

Might it be healthier for society as a whole if the state gets out of the murder business, and instead chooses pathways to redemption, healing, to what philosopher Jacques Derrida describes as both the necessity and the impossibility of forgiveness?

Knowledge of protocols and methodology for assessment, evaluation and documenting physical, psychological, and mental development.

Further coincident with my return to Seattle and your beginning your new job, the Supreme Court heard oral argument relevant to Medicaid funding, Idaho’s disbursement, and quality of care. I encourage your review of my analysis of Moscow’s 2015 triple homicide spree shooting ten days earlier, after the prime suspect was locked in the state’s mental hospital seven months before that, pace the records maintained by Idaho’s mental juridical health authorities, and still twitching from his overdosing of “anti”-psychotics when he appears in courtroom video.

Knowledge of criteria for reliable diagnosis and assessment of mental disorders.

The Director of Washington’s Health Care Authority announced her impending resignation before her staff were able to better communicate through the hot mess of America’s health “care” legislation to their external audience including my medical physician, my psychologist, and to my trauma-educated expertise, across multiple badly designed websites, phone calls, and emails, if Apple Health does not accept referrals to psychologists from medical physicians, then how might Washingtonians go about obtaining competent psychotherapeutic care? One of her staffers initially described me as 10 years ahead of the curve of the direction Washington would like to go to better understand human psychology, though in a subsequent email she confuses me for another of her clients, referring to someone else’s hormone treatments:

hca communications

So I’m left thinking greaaat. First Idaho steals my identity – literally, my original birth certificate, documents divorcing me from the two ex-husbands that the state’s discombobulated mental juridical health professionals described as “delusions” – because my abusive Bundy clan said so – and analogue evidence relevant to Arizona’s cold case homicide prosecution, not to mention a decade of my visually educated portfolio lost to post-carceral trafficking theft – and invents a biography for me, now Washington’s going to make a man out of me-?!?

Because America decided visual literacy was less important than STEMs.

May we slow down a little before the powers-that-be mandate further regressive Medicaid decisions?

It’s fine if gender-reassignment surgery is what an individual chooses, but I rather enjoy being a woman despite being relegated to the second-class citizen status that entails, and I would rather not endure further state medical abuses.

If Washington would like to catch up with my expertise in human psychology and you pay for my subscription to DSM 5.0, I am better qualified than anyone employed throughout Idaho’s undereducated mental juridical health system to match observed behaviors to the descriptive categories assigned by the psychiatric industry.

My orientation is more deeply philosophical, following in the lineage of philosopher Simone de Beauvoir’s analysis of the Marquis de Sade, and psychoanalytic than MSW or art therapy graduates, and not at all corrupted or confused like too many unfortunate pill-poppin’ psychiatric diplomas out there. Maybe a surprise to many mental health professionals deeply in denial about their own childhood baggage, but underneath each of the categories currently labeled in fits of popular imagination fanned by the flames of bureaucracy and pharmaceutical industry profit as “mental illness,” you will find trauma, the focus of my MFA thesis.

If you want to get to solutions better than mass shootings and serial killings, we will need to begin to acknowledge the underlying early childhood abuse as the root of the problem, exacerbated by war trauma, rape trauma, survival trauma, racism trauma, sexism trauma, and move away from our current isolate- and blame-the-victim mentality.

Skill in handling confidential information.

While I have doxxed myself to 11 generations to provide evidence proving the reality of personal identity and professional expertise, you will notice the sophisticated skill with which I have respected the confidential information of others, even those who abused me, without naming names or changing names except where I needed to prove relationships to those already in the public sphere or identifying individuals who are paid to be responsible enough to do their jobs investigating reported crimes as serious as child abuse, elder abuse, labor trafficking, rape, and homicide without locking up a victim/witness without due process. Likewise with the ongoing abuses via Seattle’s social services failures. In a professional setting, my analysis of Moscow’s 2015 spree shooter would be confidential, but alas, the state culpable for the gunshot homicide of the brother of one of its former legislators did not want to benefit from my educated expertise, hence my public response to the police chief’s desperate plea for better understanding motive.

Skills in identifying potential ethical issues and seeking advice/counsel when ethical issues arise or require clarification.

The brother of a former Washington state legislator was unprepared to answer any of my repeated questions about campaign ethics before I resigned from designing the identity and rebranding for the racist schizophrenic that Seattleites elected to their school board in 2011:

mclaren-refusal

Marty McLaren, Seattle School Board Director, refusing to meet her contractual obligations.

I still remember how her campaign manager showed up to small claims court after failing to show for my first three or four design strategy sessions, whispered audibly to his client throughout the judge’s instructions, ignored her directive to remain seated instead of approaching the bench, and especially the triumphant look he shot at me when I decided better to wait and research how much he got paid to not do his job, accepting the judge’s dismissal without prejudice. That was a question I wanted to know the answer to after overhearing their hissed conference, and I remembered my prosecutor ex-husband’s law school professors’ advice to not to ask questions in open court that you do not already know the answer to.

Is current King County Council Member Dave Upthegrove as much a bully as his overly medicated brother, or would he like my expert help on placing boundaries on abusive family members?

Skill in preparing detailed narrative reports, correspondence and other written materials.

Ibid.

Skill in using office software programs including word processing, spreadsheet, database and email.

And Adobe Creative Suite and writing/editing code and experience with social media. I am usually pretty good at patiently trouble-shooting my way through whatever hardware and software combination you can imagine.

Ability to testify effectively at trial, sentencing or other hearings.

Multiple reasons for drawing in courtrooms: 1) observe and learn from courtroom procedure, 2) bring my healthy practice of drawing into the space that caused so much trauma, 3) become comfortable in that space, and 4) perhaps network into jobs with folks more comfortable in person than with reading multiple screens of résumés:

courtroom drawing plea hearings

If counsel on both sides of the aisle can arrive at court prepared to ask questions, I feel confident in my ability to again describe my professional expertise, offer my psychoanalytically educated analyses, and provide evidence supporting my opinions.

In retrospect, in Idaho I probably should have asked the judge to return the Designated Examiners to the stand and asked the first if he had made any effort to ascertain the reality of my biography other than speaking to my family or Meridian Police Department, and the second to repeat the name of the hospital where he thought he was when he interviewed me, thanked the judge for her patience, and returned to my seat, whispering to the ill-prepared public defender to please ask for another continuance to be scheduled for sometime after he could be bothered to meet with me in an office with wifi.

But then what expert witness would be healthy enough to explain to Moscow Police Department why the community home to my graduate alma mater coincidentally suffers so much med-induced gun violence?

Ability to communicate effectively and professionally, in person and in writing.

Ibid.

Ability to work calmly and respond courteously when in stressful situations.

Ibid.

Skill in working with a variety of individuals from diverse backgrounds.

Ibid.

Valid Washington State Driver’s License or the ability to travel reasonably quickly to multiple locations.

In my experience, walking often gets me to my destination while vehicle drivers are still glaring into traffic. If public transit is not reasonably quickly enough, with Uber and Lyft technologies vigorously competing for market share, I may never need to change my state-issued identification card back to a driver’s license.

Valid Washington State Social Work or Mental Health License preferred.

Are you sure? If Washington hopes to one day arrive at my level of emotional intelligence and spiritual awareness, better to ask for a portfolio visually proving the ability to visually communicate the unspeakable.

Must be at least twenty one years of age.

I hope that you consider my maturity, as I do, an asset to your team.

Please note: An offer of employment will be contingent on the ability to successfully pass a King County Jail Clearance and a Washington State Patrol Background check.

To make that easier for the Washington State Patrol, I’ve doxxed myself to 11 generations, comparing multiple data sets to prove the reality of my biography. Not sure if Idaho’s month-long violation of my constitutional freedoms will appear on your background check, as it sounds like they are struggling to keep their data one step ahead of their mass shooters. I was fingerprinted at Seattle Police Department in 2012 while explaining to their severely traumatized Domestic Violence Victim Support Supervisor ill-prepared to do her job that I cannot afford to volunteer my expertise, could they at the very least supply a roof overhead? Only took Seattle three years to hairball up a roof, now about a professional wage working with colleagues healthy enough to reciprocate my respect?

If I recall correctly, I was able to sweet-talk my way out of a speeding ticket in Whitman County sometime between 2005–08 by honestly explaining to the very nice officer that the speedometer on my 1977 Ford F-150 didn’t work so well, so I just tried to drive with the flow of other traffic. Let me know if you have any questions I might be able to better answer.

Respectfully submitted,

Jana Brubaker