Dear Shitty Bank:
Remember how, about twenty years ago, when I begged for a $100 increase in my line of credit to be able to pay my rent and my college tuition in the same month, because my Pell Grant wasn’t enough to cover both, and you refused?
Remember how, in the fall of 2008 after I finished graduate school earlier that spring, and your Corporate Executive Officers went before elected representatives of the citizens of the United States of America, hat in hand, begging for a bailout to pay for their greed and financial mismanagement, because otherwise the world as we knew it would come to an end, you said, and those elected representatives neglected to notice that, really, what you meant was the world would have to change for a very small percentage of people who happened to be mostly white and mostly male, and those elected representatives complied with your request?
Remember how, last January, you dropped my line of credit from nearly $20,000 to next to nothing in spite of my long history of making mostly on time if recently nominal payments and my current zero balance?
And you know how, today, when I explained the reason the student loan folks negatively reported my payments had to do with poor communication that included an online user interface that permits only one-way communication, surly if not to say arrogant telephone operators who insist on speaking at their convenience rather than mine and whose first demand, from what is to me an anonymous voice on the telephone, is for my Social Security Number, and they have yet to respond to my numerous attempts to communicate with them via the United States Postal Service, including my last letter sent Certified Return Receipt Requested, to one of their numerous postal addresses, other than that receipt returned, signed, as well as a letter from yet another of their numerous postal addresses, in which they misspelled my name and did not respond to my concerns other than to confirm that, yes, indeed, their postal address had changed, yet again, and you refused to reinstate my line of credit without proof of employment?
Thank you for closing my account.
P.S. This post is dedicated to the fourth of your telephone operators with whom I spoke earlier today, not the woman who hailed from the State of Maryland, but the charming young man from the nation of Guatemala, whose charisma, no doubt, has made you many hundreds of thousands of United States dollars, if not to say millions, as well as to his lucky girlfriend, con amor mi amigo.